Today when I’m writing this blog post it’s Friday the 13th and I have a black cat sleeping next to me so I’ll talk a bit about bad luck. I’m not superstitious but I know the power of negative thoughts. If you say to yourself many times that you’re not lucky in sex and love, you’ll start believing it eventually.
See, it’s a vicious circle. You say to yourself that you have bad luck when it comes to women (or men), that you always end up with the wrong person and sex is a disaster. Or you’re in a fixed relationship and when you look around all your friends seem to be having a good time in the bedroom even after many years together. And you feel like you live on a desert. An ice desert.
What happens when you start believing it’s just bad luck? You give up. You resign yourself to thinking it’s got to be this way. You become lazy. The longer it stays that way the harder it is to go back to sex and enjoy it.
Can you do something about it? Yes. Take responsibility for your intimate life! Superstitions are nothing else but giving away the control to some inexplicable external sources. To that mythical Thirteen or sweet black kitty which crossed our path. How about feeding that kitty some treats and taking your own happiness in your own hands (literally)?
A few days ago I posted on my Facebook page about who should be responsible for male sexuality and whether women should take care of their partner’s satisfaction and well-being in bed. I wrote words of warning that assuming the role of a caregiver or mother leads to no good in a relationship. I’d love to hear your opinion!
How to take charge of your sex life?
First, start from yourself. It won’t get better in your bedroom if you keep looking for the blame in your partner or try to justify the problems with weather or lack of time. Ask yourself, what does sex mean for you now. What do you need? How can you give it to yourself? What do you need to learn? Whom to ask?
Second, take a look at your thought and behavior patterns, your favourite paths and people you choose. Perhaps a small change is all you need? Maybe, instead of making love in the evening when all you want to do is sleep, do it on a Saturday morning? Maybe, instead of choosing those dangerous dark-haired men who have a way with words but disappear after one night, look more closely at those calm and cute blonde you’ve been ignoring for ages?
Third, don’t expect the other person to figure it out. If there’s something you want (or don’t want) in bed, just say it. Nobody comes with a manual written on their forehead. It’s also not true that everything comes naturally in sex. You need a lot of practice to achieve a level of ease.
If you are a man (or his partner) and have questions about male sexuality, watch the replay of my Facebook Live from yesterday and ask your questions in the comments.
We addressed a few common concerns that guys have:
– pressure to be the perfect lover
– the effects of stress from work and family life on sex drive and enjoyment of intimacy
– how to ask your partner for sex or something you’d like to try in bed.
Have a good week with good sex!